Emmett Has a Hobby
by MissYork
Summary: This is an Emmett one-shot, with some minimal lines from other characters. I thought it would be a fun exercise in dialogue. Also, it contains a few "Harry Potter" references....so if you aren't familiar with Harry Potter, you may not "get it." Enjoy!


Esme entered the great, spacious sitting room, drying her hands and her chest with a pristine, and now sopping wet, white dish towel. Her whole front was soaked with water, including the strands of hair that framed her face, and she blinked and sputtered as she spoke to the room in general.

"Where. Is. Emmett? He did it again! Again!" Her expression was half amused, half seriously annoyed.

Jacob and Seth laughed and shifted deeper into the leather sofa, their dark eyes staring fixedly on the flat screen ahead, unconcerned and not remotely convinced by Esmes' feeble attempt at an angry tone. Renesmee giggled from around the corner, and even Alice and Jasper could be heard from upstairs, their laughter muffled as if they were trying to hold it in and failing utterly. Rosalie, however, slapped her splayed palms with deliberate force on the armrests of the recliner, her jaw rigid, nose wrinkled, eyes flashing dangerously. "I've had enough!" she announced. "Enough for a thousand lifetimes!"

"Rosalie," Esme started, seeing that Rosalie was angry. "It's not that serious." Her tone was placating, calming now as she dried the last few drops of water from her hair and strode around the corner back into the kitchen. "I was just going to water the house plants," she called. "and he pulled his trick again. No harm done."

Emmett had recently acquired a nasty, albeit humorous habit of pulling practical jokes on everyone in his extended family. His latest trick was placing a rubber band around the sprayer at the sink, so that anyone who turned on the faucet was blasted in their unsuspecting face with a powerful jet of water. So far, the only person beside Esme who'd been on the receiving end of this ruse was Rosalie, and as it had soaked, and consequently ruined her perfectly styled hair, she was none too amused.

She strode from her chair and darted up the stairs, fast as a bullet. Seconds later, Emmetts' loud guffaws were heard carrying around the house, as if he'd held it in for as long as he could stand. Maybe a second after that, there was a loud thump, a bellowed "_HEY! Get off, crazy lady_!" and then Emmett himself streaking down the stairs, followed closely by Rosalie, who was wielding what appeared to be a dented aluminum softball bat and looking possessed.

Esme peeked around the corner again. "Okay, enough. Cut it out, _kids_." She emphasized the last word, grinned indulgently, and disappeared, presumably back to watering houseplants. Her hair was now in a ponytail.

"You need a hobby." Rosalie said as she rolled her eyes and returned to the recliner.

"I _have _a hobby, thank you very much," He paused, and muttered "_Wackjob_" as an afterthought. He was smiling, though.

"Oh, yeah? Practical jokes don't count and neither does flexing in front of a mirror," Rosalie sneered with her perfect white nose in the air.

"Ha. Ha. You're one to talk. Want me to buy you a crown and a sash next time we go out, sweeeetie?"

Emmett budged his way between Jake and Seth on the sofa, who were now following the semi-playful banter between Rosalie and Emmett like a tennis match.

Rosalie craned around the sofa and adopted a mocking smirk as she responded. Her voice was sagging with sarcasm. "Yes, Emmett my love. And don't forget the dozen roses." She paused. "But you never told me what your supposed new hobby is."

Jake rolled his eyes. "Ask Seth. They're both nuts. Seth is infecting everyone he can."

Rosalie arched her eyebrows in expectance.

"Well," Seth started. "I loaned Emmett here my Harry Potter books. Oh, don't look at me like that Jake. They're really good."

Jake turned back to the TV. Rosalie snorted.

"What?" Emmett said incredulously. "What? They are. They're made of awesome." He and Seth pounded each others' fists with appeciative grins on their faces. Emmett added "Dude, if you'd just give them a chance. I frickin' love the Boy who Lived!"

Rosalie rolled her eyes again. "First of all, I'm not your _dude_, dude. And secondly, isn't Harry Potter a bit below _both_ of your comprehension levels? I bet Nessie wouldn't even read those books."

"She has." sighed Jake.

"Dumbledore's Army!" came Nessies' reply from across the room and around the corner.

"Yeah!" said Emmett enthusiastically. "It's not about _reading comprehension_, Rose. It's a great story. The characters, the plot, the suspense, the frickin' Weasley Twins…." He looked on the verge of waxing poetic.

Esme came into the room and replaced a large, lovely, and brilliantly green plant back on a stand, stepped back and admired it momentarily, and then rounded on Rosalie.

"You shouldn't chide him, Rose. He's reading. He's broadening his horizons." She smiled warmly at Emmett.

"Yeah, well…" Rosalie looked as if she were about to retort and then abruptly gave up. "I guess there's something in that. Who the hell are the Weasley Twins?"

"My new inspirations," Emmett said, wearing a mischievous look . "My heroes."

A few moments passed. Emmett settled into his seat and began watching the flat screen. Rosalie snatched up the remote control and began her annoying habit of flicking unceasingly through the channels, oblivious to the fact that she wasn't the only one watching the TV.

Emmett let out a small roar of frustration. "Gah, Rose. Jeez. Accio remote!"

Renesmee giggled, Jake sighed, Rose and Esme looked mildly bewildered, but Seth exclaimed "Yeah, boy! And if she tries to take the remote back…"

"Full Body Bind Curse. Gotcha!" Emmett said with relish as he pointed an invisible wand in Rosalies' direction. Beside him, Seth nodded his appreciation.


End file.
